The Psychology of Self-Deprecating Humor
How it Connects People
m
Humor
I love to laugh, as I'm
sure most people do. Even as a psychotherapist, I have spent a lot of time laughing with clients. Tragedy plus time often results in laughter. Generally, I can tell by a client's demeanor if they are aiming for a laugh. Some might say it's a missed opportunity to dig deeper, and we certainly do, but laughter typically comes first, and clients seem to feel more at ease. When I decided to leave my place of employment, my colleagues remarked on how quiet my old office was. They didn't seem to mind the laughter.
The power of self-deprecating humor and its mental health benefits in therapy
Self-deprecating humor reflects people’s flaws, allowing for vulnerability, introspection, identification, and entertainment. When self-deprecating humor is executed well, emotions can be regulated, trust can be established, and connection can be fostered. This type of humor serves as a tool for individuals to recognize and embrace their flaws and imperfections with warmth and compassion.
Comedy is a mirror, revealing our insecurities and vulnerabilities while providing a therapeutic release through laughter. Self-deprecating humor can spark deeper discussions about personal growth and resilience, encouraging audiences to accept their imperfections with grace and lightheartedness (Dattilo, April 5, 2025).
How Self-Deprecating Humor Assists in Developing Social Relationships and Acceptance
Self-deprecating humor can help people start new friendships or romantic relationships. Demonstrating vulnerability often makes others feel safe, and individuals who use self-deprecating humor appear more approachable. They frequently receive acceptance and appreciation. Studies indicate that those willing to make fun of themselves are seen as likable than others.
Psychological Effects on the Individual Using Self-Deprecating Humor
Engaging in self-deprecating humor can have both positive and negative psychological effects. Research shows that it can boost self-awareness and promote personal growth by encouraging individuals to confront their flaws. On the other hand, excessive self-deprecation may lead to a negative self-image and reinforce feelings of inadequacy.
Some studies distinguish between self-deprecating humor and self-defeating humor. Speer (2019) states that self-deprecating humor involves making fun of oneself in a lighthearted way that doesn't harm self-esteem. It can be a means to establish a human connection with readers or deflect criticism. Brown (2019) characterizes self-defeating humor as "toxic shame" or something that makes one feel like a "bad person." This implies that self-defeating humor could represent a form that reinforces negative self-perceptions and leads to shame rather than lightheartedness.
References
Brown, R. (2019). Self-defeating vs. self-deprecating humor: a case of being laughed at vs. laughed with? (Doctoral dissertation, Swinburne).
Dattilo, (April 5, 2025) The Subtle Power of Self-Deprecating Humor. neurosciencenews.com https://neurosciencenews.com/self-deprecating-humor-psychology-28552
NeuroLaunch editorial team (September 15, 2024). Self-Deprecating Humor Psychology: The Complex Art of Laughing at Yourself. Neurolaunch.https://neurolaunch.com/self-deprecating-humor-psychology/
Speer, S. A. (2019). Reconsidering self‐deprecation as a communication practice. British Journal of Social Psychology, 58(4) 806-828.
In my opinion, during the therapy with people with wounded self-esteem it is a great thing to do. When someone is making self-deprecating jokes, I find it more attractive. I like people who don’t take themselves too seriously and make jokes because they just feel secure. There are some people who are not able to understand that. They used your deprecating humor to expand on the put-down and insult you more. I did it often at my work and my good friend told me: "You could do it with me, but others are not clever enough to understand you, they will tell you are foolish. I know you don't care, but I care!"