When Sexual Needs Go Unmet: Why Affairs Happen—and How to Protect Partners!

Unment needs go angaints our fantasies of what relationships are about;

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Have you ever struggled with loneliness while being in a romantic relationship?

Loneliness and distance are common in long-term relationships. Sometimes it takes a while to understand how much time and nurturing go into creating the foundation. Relationships often are taken for granted; unmet needs can go unnoticed for a while. Reality sets in as we realize that being with another person through life is complicated. People grieve the loss of the wished-for characteristics and traits their partner does not have. To stay in a relationship without constant resentment, one needs to reach a level of acceptance of the other person. At times, the unmet need is so central to one of the partners that it becomes unbearable, cannot be accepted, and often is acted upon.

Unmet sexual desires and loneliness are needs that many cannot accept. People struggle with these isuues long periods of time. The couple may have fought about it, but neither has resolved. People dont listen to their partners or take them seriously when the subject brings up too many unpleasant feelings, and they avoid the topic. Faced with shame, fear, and distance, attempts at discussion end in arguments or silent withdrawal.

Frustrations run deep, with no resolution, the partner who feels the most pain can be vulnerable to an affair. When awareness of an affair sets in, shame, guilt, anger, and fear of abandonment can emerge. Couples may then identify with roles in this dynamic, often portraying the victim, who has been betrayed, and the horrible betrayer, who cannot be trusted.

Trust can become the identified issue, but that is usually not the case. The issue of trust goes both ways as considering cause and effect is important. A considerable issue to contend with is communication and the willingness to listen when someone is unhappy in the relationship.

Can a Relationship Survive Loneliness or an Affair?

The simple answer is yes; however, it takes much work and psychological sophistication. We need to give each partner a chance to process their feelings before deciding to begin addressing the issues. An affair can temporarily solve the unmet need from the desperation of dealing with loneliness or unmet sexual needs. However, when couples unleash anger, resentment, and betrayal on each other, the relationship can be torn even further apart.

Protection

Seeking help can be a good step in protecting one another from further tearing down each other's self-worth. Relationships can bring out early childhood vulnerabilities. An affair can leave each member of a couple wondering about their inherent self-worth. Each partner goes through deep feelings and questions about themselves and their partners.

Rejection of sexuality can bring about insecurity and undesirability. If one initiates and is repeatedly rejected, and experiences pain and a sense of unattractiveness, the spirit can become lost, not knowing what the other is thinking or feeling. A partner who has felt betrayed by the other’s affair can contribute to similar feelings. From babyhood, there is a need to be special, seen, heard, and understood. These early self-doubts reemerge as processes of distance, rejection, or an ensuing affair.

Resolution

Resolution does not necessarily mean the couple will get back together. It is to help us learn and understand what occurred. The dissolution of the relationship may be explored later.

To work and unpack feelings after an affair, as each partner may feel traumatized. Empathy for the plight of the other may be difficult to achieve, even if time has been taken to allow each to process their feelings. Understanding. Accountability is key in working toward resolution and learning from the experience. Allowing time to assess if communication has improved. Understanding issues that led to the affair, as well as issues that have gotten in the way of sexual intimacy. Couples can have a chance to be heard and understood.

Discussion of rebuilding trust and assessment of each partner's needs are germane. Facing one’s inner self with realistic expectations also helps the couple to decide whether the possibility of staying together is appropriate. It is very challenging to be honest with one’s authentic self and their partner. The work is a continual process, and along the way, couples may decide to separate or stay together.